Tuesday, April 21, 2009

We used to be friends...

Oh man, this picture brought back memories....memories of what once was. I don't know why the loss of her friendship hurt me so much and continues to haunt me. I think it is because the way it ended...no closure. Or maybe it is because I have never in my life been treated so poorly by anyone and I never expected to be by someone I called one of my best friends. It still baffles me. What did I do wrong? Why did I do to deserve to be treated that way? To be rejected by people is an awful feeling but to be rejected and to never know why is devastating. I was rejected and I still have no idea why. I probably never will. It still hurts!


But, despite us not being friends (not even facebook friends...yes, I've been rejected), I kept the pictures.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Trauma does that.

The fear of man bringeth a snare. (Prov. 29:25)

...who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass, and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth. (Isaiah 51:12b-13)

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Alone but happy

I ran across this picture and had to laugh! It brought back memories of me going to the Phil Collins concert alone...but happy! I'm a loser, yes I know!!!
The concert was at the Pepsi Center in October of 2007. I remember driving to Denver, eating out, and walking through the streets of downtown (from my free parking spot to the Pepsi Center) all alone (stupid I know!) but completely happy (or so I thought). I would have brought a friend, but, seriously, who would have come to a Phil Collins concert? He is way old now and past his prime! But I am still in love with him and his music! It rocks my world!
As I reflect on it now, I guess this concert was during my "love avoidant" days when all I did was work all the time or hang out alone (or with my dog). I was happy to be alone because it was safe, but I will admit I was very lonely. And yes, it is odd going to a concert all by yourself and having no one else to share the moment with and later reminisce about. It was also odd taking pictures because I couldn't take pics of myself at the concert...that is weird! So, all my pictures are of the stage and Phil Collins himself...lol! But hey, it was a good night!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Encouraged

Lately, I have been so encouraged by seeing God at work in the lives of those I love the most. Sometimes it is hard for me to see God working and moving in my own life and thus I often get discouraged and wonder if He really does have a plan for me. But, I find hope in seeing Him move in such powerful and noticeable ways in the lives of my closest friends. I know that if He is so at work in their lives, He is also at work in mine! So, recently I have been praising God and just completely overjoyed seeing Him work, move, and lead in such noticeable ways. This has occurred in three of my closest friend's lives.


One of my friends was laid off from her job about 2 months ago and left to pay a mortgage that she could not afford without a job. I was encouraged and impressed by her peace during these couple months of unemployment. She knew that God would provide. He did! This past Monday she started her new job at a Christian para-church ministry as a marketing/graphic design specialist. It is amazing to me that God called her to and provided her with an amazing job that calls upon her faith in the Lord as well as her marketing/graphic design skills. It is even more amazing that just one year out of college and in a terrible economy, she was able to get this job! God is good!

Another one of my friends, along with her husband, is headed to Utah next year because that is where the Lord has called them. Although there is still a lot unknown, it is pretty evident that God is leading them there and asking them to trust Him. Also, God has recently blessed them with some financial stability. Sometimes God provides in the unlikeliest of ways and this situation is a testimony to that!

Another friend...God just keeps moving and opening doors in her life and it has been truly amazing to watch! To see where God has brought her from to where He is leading her to...who would have thought? I sense that after forming and shaping her into the person she is now, God is now entrusting to her huge responsibilites and calling/leading her to so much more. It is a testimony to all that God has done in her life and how far He has brought her! Her story, or rather God's story of her life, excites me...it's a joy to see the Lord at work in her life and to see her recognize His movement! I am excited to see what is next!

What a joy it is to be on these journeys with these incredible people! Their stories of God working and moving in their lives bring encouragement to my soul...encouraged to know that God is also working and moving in my life, although it may be harder for me to see!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Wag N' Wash Experience!

Brandy HATES baths! But, the reality is that she gets dirty and needs them, especially after rolling in cat poop!




Left: Brandy before the wash...lookin' a little scared!




Below: Brandy during the wash...she likes the massage part of the wash!




Left: Now there's a smile! Brandy with her fo-hawk!


Below: Brandy hates the dryer the worst!!! She refused to go on that table!





Left: LOL! Brandy being super-dried!


















And of course our visit would not have been the same without Tjasha, Zoe, and their dog, Sammy!









Friday, April 10, 2009

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

All I am trying to do is finish this paper that is due at 1 pm! I just want peace and quiet...but NO! This guy behind me (see pic, he is in the blue shirt) seems to not know how to type on his labtop. He is typing each letter with his pointer finger and striking each key with so much force that I'm pretty sure EVERYONE on campus can hear the pounding! It is driving me CRAZY! I put my headphones in with some Keith Urban playing but it is not helping! No wonder the only open spots in the Library are within twenty feet of him! Someone shoot me!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Nightmares

When I fall asleep at night, I see this...
It gives me nightmares! Then I wake up, turn on my car and see it again! For the past year I have seen it everyday of my life, staring me down, hauting me! So, I finally decided to do something about it. I took my car in on Monday and paid $800 to get it fixed! They turned off the "check engine" light and told me everything was fixed. My car drove like a pro...I was satisfied though my back account was not! Well, today the light is back on and I just want to cry! I hate this light...it won't stop stalking me! It wants to ruin my life! I have no more money for you little Escape...you must continue to run with or without this dreadful light on!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Runnin'

I'm not a fast runner by any means and I surely do not claim to be! However, I enjoy it! I enjoy it most when I can run outside with my dog. It brings me great joy to see her frolicking through the weeds, tongue hanging out, and tail wagging! She motivates me to run further and faster. If I can't run outside due to weather, I hit up the local YMCA and run in place on a treadmill...boo! How boring, right? Staring at a tv in a hot room with sweating bodies and mirrors on every wall, I run. Treadmills are not my favorite but they do allow me to keep a steady pace and push myself to run just one more m.p.h. faster. I will admit though that every time I step on that treadmill, I look around to see how fast people are running next to me. My goal: to run just a little faster than they are! I don't know why I do this or why I care. I guess it is just my competitive nature coming out...I MUST run faster than you for no other reason except to make myself feel SUPERIOR!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

To tip...or not to

For the past five years of my life I have worked for tips at either Ted's Montana Grill or Famous Daves BBQ. For these past five years I have made anywhere from $2.83 to $5.15 an hour and depended on my customers to make my time worth it, hopefully reaching an average of $10.00 an hour. As I look back I see that it has been anything but easy! Working in restaurants is not the ideal job. For one, it is very dirty and gross! Secondly, it is seen as a job for the uneducated and "poor choice makers" in our society, such as single parents, drug/alcohol abusers, law breakers, illegal immigrants, college students, etc. Let's just say that when I tell people that I work in a restaurant, I am often judged! Furthermore, it seems to me that my own customers stereotype me as being someone who could not get a better job so was forced to work in the food service industry. It is not my ideal to work at a job where I make money based mainly on my performance but what I hate the most is that even if my performance is superb, I can still get screwed...stiffed! It is quite frustrating and takes a lot of humility and patience to serve people for an entire meal and then have them stiff you, as if you did nothing for the past hour! Now I must say that stiffing doesn't happen too often but BAD tipping does! And after doing this for five years I have learned enough and have made my own stereotypes. The big question is: who tips the worst in general? This question is so easy to answer!
1. Christians...I don't know why but they (we) do! Here is my opinion as to why...Most Christians that come into Famous Daves are middle-upper class, white evangelicals who are quite judgemental. Instead of thinking that they should tip well as an evangelism tool and ministry opportunity (reaching the lost), they turn judgmental towards their server and come to conclusions such as, (as an example) "This server must be so lost. Look at his piercings. He must be a trouble maker who couldn't make it through school. He threw his life away and is now stuck working in a restaurant because he could not get a real job." Thus, the tip is bad! (I only use this example because I have actually heard accounts like this.) Other examples consist of Christians leaving tracts instead of a tip or with a 10 percent tip. This actually happens quite often!

2. Blacks, Hispanics, Mexicans, Native Americans...again I hate this stereotype, but in general these people are very very very bad tippers! If you have worked in a restaurant before you know this! There are definitely exceptions, as with the Christians, but not enough to remove the stereotype. I laughed when I saw this picture because I do not want to be a racist but I understand the feeling! It sucks getting screwed by the same people...it's no wonder we form stereotypes!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The time is coming...

I must get out of my house! It is no longer my home, rather it is a place I sleep because it is free and my dogs are there. Although I have been so blessed by living there for so many years, the time is drawing near when I must part ways with my parents in order to repair and strengthen our relationship. They have no clue who I am, what I have been through, nor what my dreams, fears, passions, morals/values, and priorities are. It is hard living with people who love you for who they think you are and not for who you really are! All our conversations are superficial and surfacey. Any attempts at deep, meaningful conversations put us talking past each other. They just don't understand me and have never sincerely attempted to. It's sad, but it is what it is!