Read this book...

If you have not read this book, READ IT! I just read it for the third time and every time it speaks to me differently and more powerfully.
Seriously, one of the best books I've read! (although it is sad!)

What is suffering? When something prized or loved is ripped away or never granted--work, someone loved, recognition of one's dignity, life without physical pain--that is suffering. Or rather, that's when suffering happens. What it is, I do not know. For many days I had been reflecting on it. Then suddenly, as I watched the flicker of orange-pink evening light on almost still water, the thought overwhelmed me. I understand nothing of it. Of pain, yes: cut fingers, broken bones. Of sorrow and suffering, nothing at all. Suffering is a mystery as deep as any in our existence. It is not of course a mystery whose reality some doubt. Suffering keeps its face hid from each while making itself known to all.
We are one in suffering. Some are wealthy, some bright; some athletic, some admired. But we all suffer. For we all prize and love; and in this present existence of ours, prizing and loving yield suffering. Love in our world is suffering love. Some do not suffer much, though, for they do not love much. Suffering is for the loving.
This, said Jesus, is the command of the Holy One: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." In commanding us to love, God invites us to suffer.
God is love. That is why he suffers. To love our suffering sinful world is to suffer. God so suffered for the world that he gave up his only Son to suffering. The one who does not see God's suffering does not see his love, God is suffering love.
So suffering is down at the center of things, deep down where the meaning is. Suffering is the meaning of our world. For Love is the meaning. And Love suffers. The tears of God are the meaning of history.
-NW

To love...

"To love is to run the risk of suffering. Or rather, in our world, to love is to suffer; there's no escaping it. Augustine knew it well; so Augustine recommended playing it safe, loving only what could neither die nor change on one--God and the soul. My whole tradition has taught me to love the world, to love the world as a gift, to love God through and in the world. It has set me up for suffering. But it didn't tell me this: it didn't tell me that the invitation to love is the invitation to suffering. It has let me find that out for myself. Possibly it's the best way."
-NW

A needed reminder...

"Perhaps we all take each other too much for granted. The routines of life distract us; our own pursuits make us oblivious; our anxieties and sorrows, unmindful. The beauties of the familiar go unremarked. We do not treasure each other enough."
-Nicholas Wolterstorff

I know how it feels to be taken for granted. I know how much it sucks to feel as if someone else does not have enough time for you and is unwilling to make time. I know how it feels to pour out your life to someone else and then watch them drift away. I know how much it sucks to feel like you value another person so more than they value you. I know what it's like to live on this side so you would think that I would never put someone else through this pain. I must never forget this...

Heidelberg Catechism

Q: What is your only comfort in life and death?
A: That I am not my own but belong to my faithful savior Jesus Christ.

The Lindsey Curse...

My biggest fear: having fat legs! Because I am my mother's daughter, I have been given the curse of large quads. Both my Grandma Lindsey and my mother have these large quads also. Growing up and playing soccer I was able to stay in shape enough that my large, strong quads were used to my advantage. But, now that I do not stay in shape, my quads are losing their muscle and filling with fat! This makes jean shopping awful because I have to get a larger size to fit my quads while the jeans are too big in the waist. So, as I get older and more and more out of shape, I am getting more and more self-conscious! Also, as I see what my mom's legs look like right now, I am praying to God that mine don't ever look like that (sorry mom!). Im scared, I'm terrified! I DON'T WANT FAT LEGS!!!!!!!

There Will Be A Day

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

What I thought was impossible!

Well, it is official...I will be graduating on May 16th (I passed my 6 hour essay comprehensive exam!!!). This is something that never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to do. Although I always dreamed of getting my Master's degree, I never would have guessed that it would be from a Seminary and I never thought possible that it would be in Philosophy of Religion! I guess I have surprised myself! It is funny...when I started at DenSem in January 2006, I had no idea why I was here and what I wanted to do. I simply desired to learn, to gain knowledge about the most important things in life, to become an intellectual! I started out in the Christian Studies program because I really had no direction, no passion for a certain program. In January of 2007, after taking an apologetics class by an awful teacher, I was so intrigued by the subject matter that I decided to give philosophy a shot. Honestly, I never thought I was smart enough to ACTUALLY finish the program. (I still don't think I'm smart enough and thus I have no idea how I did it...ha!) I guess in the back of my mind I was so in love with philosophy of religion but knew that it was way to challenging for me (esp. the epistemology and metaphysics) to actually finish will a decent GPA. But, I decided to give it a shot and see if I could do it! And, well, here I am, 2 months away from completing the biggest and toughest accomplishment of my life yet! I could not be more excited and quite frankly I am still baffled...it seems surreal! I guess I am prove that when God calls you to something and you put your heart, mind, and soul into it, you can do more than you ever imagined possible!
So, that is the highlight of my life right now! But, with that said, I have lately been feeling like this dog: hopeless and fearful.

People's obsession with getting happy...

I spend lots of time at the local Barnes and Noble studying and reading. Over the past few months I have noticed a common theme regarding the books that are gripping the hearts of the people sitting next to and across from me. I also cannot help but notice the HUGE "self-improvement" book section that surrounds me. It alone takes up six bookshelves and is strategically placed around the chairs in order to grab people's attention and make people wonder if they are really happy. Today, just like every other day I am here, I sat across from a lady who looked miserable. I could tell she was going through a lot and was full of pain. She had three books that she was sifting through: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," "You Can Be Happy No Matter What," and "Note to Self: 30 Women on Hardship, Humiliation, Heartbreak, and Overcoming It All." Witnessing people reading these "happy" books did not phase me the first time but I am a little alarmed that every time I come here, someone is reading about how to get happy. However, I should not be shocked...not in this relativistic, individualistic, self-help, "I create my own meaning and purpose," and "God is dead" society we live in. Now I am not saying that everyone should be reading the Christian self-help books, because too often these are just as bad because they counsel from a health and wealth or "prosperity Gospel" worldview: become a Christian and all your dreams will come true--financially, mentally, and physically. I guess it just worries me that there are so many self-help books that people are hoping will guide them to true meaning, purpose, and happiness. So many people are just plain confused and lost. Have they not heard of Jesus Christ and that He alone will fulfill their deepest longings? Are they really thinking that a five step book will get them to true happiness? Do they not realize that true happiness cannot be found within themselves but comes from being in a relationship with Someone else? And what about joy? Is it really happiness that these people are searching for or rather for joy and peace that surpasses all understanding? Oh how I sit in Barnes and Noble and lament...