Unchartered waters...

I start 2010 with a boy in the picture! A boy is interested in me and I am scared to death! Help me God!

I go back...

I guess the time has come for that infamous post: 2009 remembered. Reminiscing of the past is always bittersweet for me, bitter as I look back at the regrets and the pain, but also sweet as I look back on the growth, accomplishments, and joy of the past year. So, I ask myself, what stands out and makes this past year unlike any other?

I must begin with school. I AM FINISHED! I did what I once thought was impossible and I graducated from Seminary with a Master's degree...only by the grace of God! Also, because school was over, I entered into a period of life that I had never seen before: a season without school! And, it was A-MAZING! I have never been this less stressed and less anxious in my life! School was totally worth it, but wow, it is nice being done! I feel like I am not free to live!

Then I moved out of the 'rents house! It had been a long time coming, but in August I finally felt confident to do ti and more ready than ever! So, I took a risk and jumped into the deep end! I moved into one-bedroom apartment with my dog. If this hasn't been one of the best decisions of my life then I don't know what has been! This experience has been amazing for my healthy, spirit, body, and mind! In this little 530-square-foot apartment, I have been learning about and loving myself like I have never done before! The Lord is so good!

Then, somehow, someway, only by the grace of God, I fell into a sweet, full-time, salary job! This still puzzles me! Every time I tell people the story of where I work, what I do, and how I got my job, their jaw drops to the floor in unbelief! All I can say is: God. I didn't do a thing but walk up to a wealthy man in a fancy bar and ask if his company was hiring. Next thing I knew I was getting a tour of SRM. Then I was part-time, hourly. Now I'm full-time, salary. Crazy! I don't deserve this!

Then comes the sad part of my year: the loss of a real good friend. It hurt, it still hurts, and it will hurt for a long time. I'm not one to invest so much into my best friends and care so deeply for them to then loose them forever. However, for the past 6 months, it has been necessary to lose her. I do recognize that and I am thankful for the opportunity she gave me to get healthy. I made a lot of mistakes and have so many regrets, but someday I hope I will again have the chance to call her a good friend. I trust that the Lord is in control...may His will be done!
(I also must say that although this situation has been hellish for me, some really good things have come from it. In an effort to get balance into my life, I went on a search for healthy friends, for Christian community in Colorado Springs. And, wow, I have found it in abundance! I am definetly not lacking in communities between REI, SRM, WMBA, Bible study, YoungLife, and WVC! I've got some really wonderful people in my life!)

"To love is to run the risk of suffering. Or rather, in our world, to love is to suffer; there's no escaping it. Augustine knew it well; so Augustine recommended playing it safe, loving only what could neither die nor change on one--God and the soul. My whole tradition has taught me to love the world, to love the world as a gift, to love God through and in the world. It has set me up for suffering. But it didn't tell me this: it didn't tell me that the invitation to love is the invitation to suffering. It has let me find that our for myself. Possibly it's the best way." -NW
--May I never stop loving, even through the pain and hurts of this world!


Lastly, somewhere in between losing a good friend, moving out, and landing a sweet job, I fell in love with mountain biking and I found a community to share my passion and challenge me. It is the WMBA: Women's Mountain Biking Association (of COS). I admit that I was skeptical at first because I really had no idea what kind of girls an organization like this would attract, but low and behold, they are just like me! (Is that good or bad...???) They are athletic, passionate, driven, funny, normal (relatively speaking), and fun chicks! Most are in their 20s and 30s, married, and teach at local schools. Some even has kids, which impresses me because biking is NOT easy!

A sneak preview at 2010:
-Volunteering with YoungLife
-Racing for WMBA
-SRM
-Getting more involved at WVC
-No more REI...not sure when this will happen, but sooner than later

I just saw this movie tonight and, he did ask me!

This is awesome!

Planners

At the end of every year I find great joy in buying a new planner (it must be a monthly planner...I cannot handle a weekly or daily planner)! It is monumental for me...saying good-bye to another year past and welcoming a new year with excitement and anticipation. But, this year is especially exciting for me. For the first time EVER I bought a small planner because for the first time in a long, long, LONG time, I am not a student, and thus live a life that does not require lots of planning, structure, and deadlines. Wow, this is an amazing feeling! I can't wait to put this year behind me...the good, the bad, and the ugly! 2010 is beckoning me...there are many amazing opportunities that await me! I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for me!

Crazy fun weekend!!!

It is Monday night and I am exhausted from my crazy fun weekend! The fun started Friday night with a Bible study Christmas party. The fun continued Saturday night at an Ugly Sweater party that went into the wee hours of the morning. Then, Sunday morning I went to breakfast at a friends house with about 20 other people. After that I went to church with some friends...gosh, it has been so awesome to have friends to go to church with! I love it! Sunday evening I had a meeting for WMBA and then I raced over to a Christmas party for YoungLife leaders at one of the most beautiful houses I have ever seen! And, lastly, I ended my weekend Sunday night at a "Pancake night." Phew...I was exhausted by 11pm last night! However, I had a blast and met some really awesome people!

Oh, and, just in case my weekend was not exciting enough, two friends got engaged...one on Saturday and one on Sunday! And, they are both marrying awesome southern guys! I could not be happier for them! Here's pics of them and their men! First pic is of Rachel and Ryan and second pic is of Elisa and Patrick!

So lucky...

Every time I talk to my dad and he asks me about work, play, and life in general, he always tells me, "You have no idea how lucky you are!" You're right, I don't!
But, in all honesty, I could not ask for more right now. The Lord has blessed me above and beyond what I deserve! I am as my dad says "lucky."

Patience

Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Thankful...

I should be sleeping but first I MUST list the things I am especially thankful for this year. The Lord has certainly blessed me!

(In no particular order)
1. Living on my own and alone! This has probably been the most amazing thing that has happened to me this year!
2. A real job + a "job for the discount"...still not sure how I landed the job at SRM! God is so so so good! I am thankful to be on salary, have full benefits, and be financially stable! Also, blessed to still be at REI, although my time there is nearing the end.
3. My education...although I am not necessarily using my degrees, I am forever thankful for the knowledge and spiritual growth I have gained by attending Seminary. Someday I will use that degree.
4. Family...this situation has gotten so much better since I moved out!
5. Friends...gosh, I have the most amazing friends in the world! I am so thankful for healthy, live-giving, meaningful friendships! In the past 3 months the Lord has put some quality people in my life and reminded me of the quality people that were already in my life!
6. My dog! She rocks! I could not live alone without a dog!

New book

I randomly picked up a new book to read the other day at Barnes & Noble. It is one of Jon Krakauer's books but not nearly as popular as "Into the Wild" and "Into Thin Air." It is called "Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith." In this book, Krakauer shifts his focus to the extremes of religious belief within our own borders, taking readers inside isolated American communities where some 40,000 Mormon Fundamentalists still practice polygamy. I am only about a 1/3 through the book but it is quite fascinating and a must-read!

Am I being a fool or Christ-like?

Forgiveness

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:31-32

About six weeks ago a friend extended grace to me and, to this day, I am baffled. It baffles me because I didn't deserve it and it seemed like she gave it so freely. She didn't need me to sit there and fess up to all my sins against her nor did she need me to endlessly apologize for hurting and betraying her. She let it go and moved on. And, to this day she has not brought up anything nor used any past hurts against me. She really has forgiven me and it has been awesome...awesome to see the Lord soften her heart and fill it with compassion. This act of mercy has changed the way I perceive her and it has made me realize that she has such an amazing heart filled with mercy, compassion, and love. Having her friendship and seeing her trust me (even when I hurt her so bad) has truly been a blessing in my life!

Amen to that!

What is going on?????

Today, I was chatting with someone and they made this remark: "by the way love the picture with your hair down its so pretty. i dont think i have ever seen you this happy."

Also, today someone made this comment on my facebook wall: "You look great and Happy!"

Hummmmm...Maybe it's true!

Growing up...

It's official...I'm growing up! No longer am I in school, no longer do I live in my parent's house, and no longer am I a server/bartender! In quick three months I feel that I have grown up so much. I think this hit me last night as I was hanging out with my good friend, who is 11 years older than me. I guess last night I really saw how far I've come in the last three months. Let me give you a recap...In the last three months, I have moved out of my parent's house (meaning I am no longer and in any way financially dependent on them), joined a Bible study group of all women (mostly all are older than me), joined WMBA and made some awesome friends (mostly all are older than me), quit Famous Daves, and started a full-time salary job. A lot of change I must say, but it has been so good for me...so good to let go and let God!

However...

I must say that although things are so good, I am scared...scared of the unknown, scared of the changes, and scared to lose control! Help me God! I trust You and choose to follow You, even if that means I must lose control!

God's providence

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

--Isaiah 43:18-19

I have seen the Lord's hand in my life so tangibly over the past couple of months. Things have happened, people have come into my life, and opportunities have presented themselves and the timing of it all is perfect...so perfect that there is only one explanation...God's providence in my life!

This Saturday, after 7 consecutive years in the restaurant business, I will say goodbye to Famous Dave's. On Nov. 1, I will dive in headfirst to working my first 9-5, M-F, salary job! I do not have an explanation as to why the events in my life have played out the way they have...all I can say is that I have been so so so blessed! Praise Him!

www.peopleofwalmart.com

check it out! hilarious!

Schoberer Rad Messtechnik

check it out...www.srm.de

This is scary...

http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-09-18-ramadan-christians_N.htm

Things I'm loving lately... (copying Hannah)

1. Riding my bike! I have had a blast on this thing over the past few months! I just love the aggressiveness and risk involved in the sport!

2. Losing weight but being healthy! Over the past two months, I have lost about 13 lbs. due to moving out (not having all the junk food around) and bike riding. I have dropped two jeans sizes and am having to buy some new clothes to fit! I have received a lot of comments from people noticing the weight loss, especially in my face. The other day I looked at my Driver's License picture, and, um yeah...I have totally lost weight in the face! I love it!


3. Fall weather leaves changing! This week we got out first snow as it dropped below freezing! I loved pulling out my sweaters and down jackets. Fall is by far my favorite season of the year...so pretty!

4. Starbucks Verona Coffee! One of my friends just happens to be the store manager at a Starbucks here in town and she gives me FREE coffee. I also managed to find a coffee maker at my parent's house that they do not use. Nothing like waking up to the smell of good coffee!

5. Community/meaningful friendships

The girls below are all in my amazing Bible study. We went downtown for a "girls night" and had a blast! Funny story...This night I ran into a girl who I have ridden with a few times. She works for SRM (http://www.srm.de/), which is HUGE is the world of biking. They make training systems that cost thousands of dollars for pro cyclists. Well, this girl that I ran into...her boss happened to be with her. His name is Uli and he is the founder and designer of SRM. Basically, he is loaded! I sat and chatted with them for a little while and headed back to my table. In the meantime, the girl that I knew and her boss left. We then asked our server for our bill...thinking it would be around $90 and he told us that it had been taken care of! Uli had paid for our whole bill! It was crazy!

Can't forget my community at REI! This is a pic from sushi night!
6. Brandy! She is a great apartment dog...I couldn't have asked for a better dog!

And, look, she is even making friends!

7. My apartment! Gosh, why didn't I move out earlier? I just love, love, love my living situation and I love even more having friends over and serving them dinner! Yes, I am a terrible cook, but I try really hard and they always tell me that it is amazing just to make me feel better!

8. BEING SINGLE!!! There, I said it!

P.S. I have a date with a friend on Friday so stay posted for details!

On community and solitude...

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
-Maya Angelou

Over the past month I have really seen the power of community and not just the power of having one community, but many. On the other hand, I have seen the power of silence and solitude as everyday I come home to my empty house...all alone. I think it is this balance between community and solitude that keeps us most healthy.

Sometimes grace and forgiveness come when you least expect it. On Monday I was surprised...surprised by the grace and forgiveness of a friend. God is good!

Meet Scott...

Gosh, isn't he pretty???

Someday...

I think it's finally lifting
This fog I've been living under
And I think it's finally changing
The storm that's torn me asunder
And I think I feel you moving, think I sense you listening to me
And I think I'm gonna breathe, how long my breathe I've been holding in

Someday the sun's gonna come out for good
Someday hope will finally take it's form
Someday love is gonna do what it should
And someday life will be all that it could
So, hold on now
Hold on now

When you stay awake at night
Wishing for better days
You know you gotta fight for your heart, fight for a change
It's hard to be brave when all you've known is sorrow and pain
But don't give up cause it's rising, things are gonna change
Things are gonna change

Someday the sun's gonna come out for good
Someday hope will finally take it's form
Someday love is gonna do what it should
And someday life will be all that it could
So, hold on now

Cause this life can be so short
But oh so heavy on your heart
And I'm trying to love You but I'm still holding out
I'm still holding out, holding out
I'm still holding out for more

Someday the sun's gonna come out for good
Someday hope will finally take it's form
Someday love is gonna do what it should
And someday life will be all that it could, all that it could

Someday the sun's gonna come out for good
Someday hope will finally take it's form
Someday love is gonna do what it should
And someday life will be all that it could
So, hold on now

--Heidi Hinrichs (Stelzner)

I look forward to this day, but for now I'm filled with peace, hope, and joy!

Oh Brandy!

Brandy has been an amazing apartment dog, except she somehow thinks that it is okay to get on the loveseat...she never did this at my parent's house! Here she is making herself at home...

The Apartment!!!!!

Finally...here it is!
First is my bedroom.

My books.

The kitchen.

I don't yet have a working dryer...can you tell?

Let it all out (get it all out)Rip it out, remove itDon't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleedCuz we're so scared to find out (what this life's all about)So scared we're gonna lose itAnd knowing all along that's exactly what we needAnd today I'll trust you with the confidenceof a man who's never known defeatBut tomorrow upon hearing what I did,I'll stare at you in disbeliefOh inconsistent me! ...crying out for consistencyAnd You said, "I know that this will hurt,but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse.If the burden seems too much to bear,remember...The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."And I'll let it be known (times I have shown)Signs of all my weaknessBut somewhere in me, there is strengthAnd You'd promise me, that You believeIn time I will defeat this'cuz somewhere in me there is strengthAnd today I'll trust you with the confidenceof a man who's never known defeatI'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't meAnd You said, "I know that this will hurt,but if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse.If the burden seems too much to bear,remember...The end will justify the pain it took to get us there."Reach out to me, make my heart brand newEvery beat will be for You...for You...And you know, and you knowWhen You touched my heavy heart, you made it light.

Sometimes I say things that I wish I could take backThe most crucial thing I lackIs a thing called tactBut if you're always so intently listeningThen the smartest thing to say is to tell myself not to say a thing
Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quietDon't let it all come undoneCause if I dare open my mouthIt'll just be to bite my tongueTo bite my tongue
It seems I'm always close minded with an open mouthAnd the worst of me seems to come right outBut I've never broken bones with a stone or a stickBut I'll conjure up a phrase that can cut to the quick
Sometimes I say things thatI wish I could take backThen the smartest thing to say is to tell myself
To keep quiet, quietDon't let it all come undoneCause if I dare open my mouthIt'll just be to bite my tongueI gotta keep quiet, quietAnd listen to your voiceBecause the power of your wordsCan restore all that I've destroyed
And when I finally doLet it come from youThe peace of understanding grips my soulCause you're the reason I'veFound meaning in this lifeSo I'll swallow up my pride and give you controlI give all to you
Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quietDon't let it all come undoneCause if I dare open my mouthIt'll just be to bite my tongueI gotta keep quiet, quietAnd listen to your voiceBecause the power of your wordsCan restore all that I've destroyed
Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quietDon't let it all come undoneCause if I dare open my mouthIt'll just be to bite my tongueTo bite my tongue

Bless me!

Bless me! Not because I am good, but because You are good. Bless me! Not because I deserve Your blessing, but because it is Your nature to bless. You can't really help Yourself. I appeal not to who I am. You owe me nothing. I appeal only to who You are.

Lessons learned...

1. Don't work with your best friends.
2. When you disclose sacred information about yourself and your past to others, be ready to face the consequences when they tell others and use that info against you/to judge you.
3. Be careful! Even those you think can be trusted the most may turn on you at any moment!
4. The devil is at work! "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Every day when I walk into work I remember this verse!

I love debating and discussing the tough stuff!

Lately I have been having some pretty awesome and heated debates/discussions with some people at REI about Christianity, the Bible, and ethics. I love debating and I love it more when I find someone who I can help to better understand Christianity and its beliefs. I continue to find more and more people who have so many misconceptions about Christianity...the big one being that being a Christian means being "good enough" and doing "good things" in order to get into Heaven. One particular area of concentration that a co-worker and I discussed was God's intention for us in this life. She made the comment that "God just wants us to be happy, so if I am happy being gay and in my relationship, then that is all that matters." I about fell over when she said this and asked her to tell me where in Scripture it says that "God just wants us to be happy." I tried to explain to her that first and foremost God calls us to be obedient to Him and if happiness is a by-product of our obedience then that is great. But, there are times where we must be obedient and follow His will and that does not make us "feel" happy. I have been thinking a lot about this lately...the difference between being in God's will and having a deep sense of joy, or just being happy regardless if I am in God's will. I guess the question comes down to...is my main priority to be obedient to God or to be happy? My head tells me that the right answer is to be obedient to Him and to seek His will for my life and try to follow it accordingly. But, sadly, all too often my heart/feelings/emotions tell me that I should simply strive for happiness...just live to eliminate the suffering and the pain of this life. This leads me to ask myself if I am being obedient to God and following His will regardless if it makes me happy?

Another part of the conversation that struck me was a discussion about serving the Lord. This co-worker seemed to think that because I am working at REI and Famous Daves that I am not in the Lord's will and serving Him but rather I am working at these two places for selfish reasons. She thinks that in order for me to serve the Lord I must be working at a church or for a ministry. I explained to her that I do believe the Lord has called me to both of these jobs for this period of my life and that I can serve Him anywhere. But, this got me asking myself, do I? Do I serve the Lord while working at REI and Famous Daves or am I there for selfish reasons, such as benefits, people, money, etc.? This has lead me to re-think my motive for working at both places and ask myself how I can better serve Him while at REI and Famous Daves.

Also, given the intense conversations I have been having with co-workers, a verse has been continually brought to my mind over the past few days. Matthew 10:16 reads, "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves." This verse just reminds me that in every interaction and conversation I have, I need to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. There is a time and a place for everything and there are certain things that do not need to be said, which leads me into reminding myself to keep my mouth shut most of the time...LOL!

It's all in the hair...

I have no idea what is going on lately, but I have two guys that seem to be interested in me. This is all new to me as I am usually the one watching all my friends get hit on! I'm convinced it is all because of my new hair! Well it also probably has to do with the fact that I have re-gained some independence and confidence in myself and I know that other people can pick up on that...especially guys!

So, first we have Jason who asked over facebook chat to go to dinner sometime this week. I kinda said yeah, maybe on Friday. I should have just said no because I am not interested at all, however, it is flattering to have a guy ask, despite it being a lame method (facebook chat).

Next, there is Brad.

I sold Brad hiking boots at REI. He asked if I wanted to ever hang out with him at all because I seemed "pretty cool." He got my number and texted me 1 hour after he left the store. He is 26 and from Nebraska. He is also 6 ft. 6 inches tall...LOL. We are supposed to hang out on Monday. Seems like a sweet guy...much sweeter than Jason. However, I do not think Brad is a Christian....or rather his facebook profile does not lead me to believe that he is.

So, there ya have it! I move into my own place, get some sweet hair, put some make-up on, regain some independence and confidence and boom...the boys start coming!!! I'm just hoping the right one comes cause I am going to get real sick of being pursued by all the wrong ones!

More pics!!!

Here is another pic of my apartment...my kitchen table! The kitchen is to the left and the front door is to the right. The two photo frames on the wall are empty right now but will soon be filled.

And here is my crazy dog. She has adjusted very well and has decided that her toys belong all over the floor...see the frog and squirrel!

A picture a day

The apartment still needs a couple more things hung on the wall and I still need a couch, but I am going to start posting pics anyways! A picture a day...

This first pic is of my amazing bike rack...a gravity stand! No holes in the wall at all!

WMBA

For the past month I have been having a blast with these ladies...the Women's Mountain Biking Association of Colorado Springs. At first I was pretty skeptical and scared that the girls would be odd, but in reality they are some of the coolest people I have ever met...and most of them are AMAZING at mountain biking. Most of them are married and range in age from 25-40. Below is a group picture from our ride in Ute Valley Park. Every Thursday evening there is a group ride lasting for about 2 hours. They are a blast!!!

Below is a picture of all of us at Palmer Park.Here we are checking out a technical part before we give it a shot. And here is me going for it...oh I mean about to go over the handle bars. Luckily, I was able to save it...that could have been bad!

Here is my second attempt...success!

Here is me loving life!

Below is Kennon...she races for "Spike." She also played college soccer at Utah State and picked up mountain bike racing right after she stopped playing soccer. See...soccer and mountain biking go hand-in-hand. :) She is so amazing on the bike...here she is doing a very technical part that none of us were willing to try. The last time I tried it, I went over the bars!

Meet Jason...

He is 31 and single and there are many reasons why, which I have recently come to find out! I met Jason while serving at Famous Daves and found out that he attends Pulpit Rock Church. He got my email address and emailed me the day after we met. We ended up hanging out with a buddy of his Wednesday night. He was kind and rather gentlemen-lly. However, he kept referring to girls that he dated in the past and how they were all "stuck on themselves" and how he now believes that all girls are "stuck on themselves." His loss I guess!
I then saw him again on Saturday at a car show. Jason is in to old cars...he has a 1957 Chevy Bell Air that he has fixed up. The show was a rather odd atmosphere and Jason had a poor attitude the whole time because the Mexicans brought their ghetto, pimped out new cars with tinted windows and pics of skanky women on the sides. He was complaining the whole time and made it seem like he honored and respected women and hates the way the Mexicans were portraying them on their cars. Cool I thought! Well then we started talking politics and well, you see, Jason is not just a Republican...he is a right-wing activist. I found this out when he said, "I know this isn't very Christian of me but I wish someone would just shoot President Obama in the head." Well okay then! He is very opinionated and very outspoken when it comes to politics.
Then he asked me if I wanted to walk over to Hooters for some wings...Hooters??? Kind of odd considering that it is full of skanky, huge-breasted female servers. I don't think Hooters is a place where you take a girl....just my opinion! So, whatever, I went to Hooters. He asked me a bunch of questions but every question he asked was asked in a judgemental way. For example, he asked me how long I have had my nose ring and what it is for but he did it in a way as to sound like he was judging me for it. I also mentioned a car that I would someday like to own and he looked at me like I was an idiot for wanting that. He also told me that he never wants kids because this world is so messed up that why would he ever want to bring kids into it. Okay then!There is just this harshness and unkindness about him that I do not like at all. Kinda makes me think that he is "stuck on himself."

So....Jason, the 31-year-old Christian electrian., is single and now I know why!
As a side note...as I write this, I think he is preceding to ask me to dinner over Facebook chat...how lame is that???

Here is the convo...you can see that I am quite confused because he is not making any sense...
9:28pmJason
good just bbq with dad & step mom, u got a busy week?
9:28pmLindsey
yeah, pretty busy
9:30pmLindsey
what about you?
9:34pmJason
plenty busy, work work and ???work
9:36pmLindsey
sweet...making that money!
9:37pmJason
hardly when you want to go for dinner or bbq whatever
9:38pmLindsey
true, very true
9:40pmJason
whats true??
9:42pmLindsey
that making the money isn't that sweet when you want to go for dinner or a bbq
9:44pmJason
this week late??? yyou?
9:45pmLindsey
huh?
9:45pmJason
later this week??
9:47pmLindsey

go to dinner or a bbq?
9:50pmJason
yes dinner or bbq or whatever,LOL???
9:50pmLindsey
oooohhhhhhh....lol

Gosh...

I can't wait to move out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

"Let me tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. It gives women a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel...the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood."

-Susan B. Anthony

Oh the joys of working in a restaurant!

Most of the people that work in restaurants...wow...where did they come from? There is this girl- her name is Stacey. She used to work at Famous Daves and she would sell purses out of her car during shifts. But, these weren't just any purses- they were expensive stolen purses. She would go into department stores and steal (rip off the security tag) purses that retail over $100 and then sell them to FD employees! About a year ago she was fired from Daves and she has been unemployed ever since. Instead of working she has started her own business...stealing stuff and selling it! Tonight while I was working she happened to come in with some stolen goods from Zumiez: 2 shirts retailing at $45 each. She sold them for $15 each. I couldn't believe it! I mean I worked with some shady people at Ted's but no one quite like this! Furthermore, this girl is freaky...like I would not want to get in a fight with her. She is decked out with tattoos and has 3 kids by 2 dads. She also manages to wear a bra that pops her boobs out of her shirt...like it looks like her bra is about 4 sizes too small! Gosh, some of the people at that restaurant just make me laugh! I just better not ever see her in REI!

Guilty...

The guilt has set in and it threatens to consume me! I can no longer defend myself; I am guilty. I have screwed up. I have no one to blame but myself. No one else has contributed to my failings...it is only me! I am so sorry!

In transition...

I always used to look back on my life and consider the best days of my life to be my soccer playing days. When I stopped playing soccer I figured that my best days were over. Between playing in a state championship my senior year, playing college soccer, playing semi-pro soccer, and traveling overseas to play, I thought life would not get any better for me. But then I started at Denver Seminary and for 3.5 years I figured that I was being equipped to really start my life. I was hoping and praying during those years that the best days of my life still lie in the future. And now I'm done. I must grow up and actually do something with my life. I can no longer use the excuse of school as to why I live at home, work at a restaurant and REI. So I will not! This fall marks the biggest transition period of my life. I will move out of my parent's house for the first time. I am absolutely thrilled and deathly scared at the same time. I am also facing some of the toughest issues I have ever had to face...I must finally, at 26, confront myself and work out the issues that have resulted from my upbringing. Also, I have been given the opportunity to travel around the country this fall and teach with a ministry, Axis Worldview Training (axisworldview.com). Each trip is one week long and I would go as a volunteer but everything would be paid for. Their schedule for this fall is booked and I am considering heading to Texas with them at the end of September. What an amazing opportunity!

With all that said, I admit that I am scared to death because I am headed into a time of uncertainty...more uncertainty than ever before in my life! But, I am also excited and hopeful. I know that the Lord is at work in my life and He has orchestrated each of these opportunities for growth. I can honestly say that I truly believe that the best days of my life are not in the past but rather they lie in the future. I'm excited, so excited!

Live and learn

I'm learning that sometimes even the best of things can go terribly wrong if we are not careful. What was once so life-giving transpired into something so life-sucking. I hate that! I hate that something so encouraging and wonderful was replaced by something so debilitating and sinful. I repent! Forgive me Lord for I gave Satan an inch and he took a mile. I allowed him to deceive me into thinking to rely on my feelings instead of my reason. I knew better! I so knew better! Paul says it best in Romans 7:
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Well, change is here. All the powers of darkness must be trembling!

A ray of hope

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time,
In my life
Make a promise to me now,
Reassure my heart somehow,
That the love that I feel,
is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul,
And I pray that I'm not wrong,
That the life I have now,
It is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time

An Un-American church in America???

I wondered if it existed. I've always searched for an American church that doesn't pride itself on being "seeker-friendly," relevant, emergent, contemporary, careful, etc. Well, I have found one. The International Anglican Church of Colorado Springs is part of the Anglican missionary movement of Rwanda, committed to reaching the unchurched of America. The Anglican Mission was established by Anglicans from Africa and Asia, deeply troubled by the spiritual crisis in this land that sent missionaries to them for generations. For many this is quite the paradox. Aren't we as Americans supposed to go to the Global South to plant churches there and reach the unchurched? Doesn't it seem backwards that the Africans and Asians are coming to "Christian" America? Don't we have enough churches here? No, no we don't. Not enough churches like this one. We have enough "American" churches, but we need more international churches. The International Anglican Church is just what I have been looking for.
Here is what the website says:
Today, more than ever, we live in a world full of paradoxes. We have more ways than ever to "be connected" electronically, yet we often feel lonely and isolated. We have all kinds of technology to enhance and prolong life but often miss the joy in that life. Outside appearances may say that we are strong and secure, yet many things in our lives are transitory and unstable. Our lives are often full and we are "on the go," yet we lack any sense of real or enduring purpose and often question our worth.
All too often, all that churches offer in the midst of all these paradoxes we face is a list of things we should or should not do -- not helping us navigate through our world, but increasing our guilt and burden.
Jesus has so much more for us.
The International Anglican Church is a people gathered to discover and delight in that "so much more" of Jesus and share this good news with others. Through relevant Biblical teaching; dynamic and Spirit-led worship that is contemporary, ancient and international; prayer; nurturing relationships and compassionate service, we step out of a world bound by confusion and empty promises and step into the spaciousness and life of Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit.
We are open to all who are looking for a church home or who merely want to explore what the Christian faith has to say about the issues and questions of life we all face.
Whether you simply want to explore who Jesus Christ is and the foundations of the Christian faith or whether you want to move deeper in your relationship with Jesus Christ, you will find the International Anglican Church to be a welcoming and challenging community of faith.

The service is about 2 hours long filled with worship (no light shows and just the basic instruments), communion, prayer, sermon based on readings from the OT, NT, and Gospel, and liturgy. The service is very structured but in a good way. Also, the congregation is very diverse. You get a sense that you are connected to the Global South...the whole service is based off of African church services.

So, as I move to the Springs I will be much closer to IAC and I have decided to make it my church home and to get plugged in. I already have some friends who attend this church so it is nice to walk right into community. It is also nice that the congregation every Sunday never reaches more than 150 people...feel more like a family!

"So I gave my attention to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting, sackcloth and ashes."
-Daniel 9:3

This is hell...

I have deeply hurt and lost the trust of someone whom I adore and care about so very much. I never intended to hurt her but somewhere along the lines I got selfish, needy, obsessive, and addicted and now she feels used! In trying to be her best friend, care about her, and show her that people can be trusted, I have actually become the worst friend ever! I must face the consequences of my thoughts and actions but I promise myself that I will walk through hell, literally, to see that this never happens again, not with her, not with anyone! I am so terribly sorry to her! She deserves so much better! I have reached the lowest time of my life and I feel all alone. God, where are you? I may have pushed You away and sinned against You, but I need You now more than I ever have before! Forgive me God!

The End.

"The end of all our explorations will be to return to where we started and see the place for the first time." -T.S. Elliot

Saturday marks the end of the my academic career, a career that began in pre-school (in 1987) and proceeded with no interruptions until May 15, 2009. Wow! In one day I will reflect on the journey and celebrate its end. This is exciting but also scary. This week I have felt every kind of emotion possible, from depression, fear, and anxiety to joy, peace, and jubilation. IT IS OVER! That is so weird for me to say and think. I don't know what I will do without school but I know I will have an identity crisis. If I am not a student, then who am I? That is a good question, one I will be wrestling with for the next 6 months indeed.


So, my journey at Denver Seminary began 3.5 years ago, in January 2006. I do not really remember what caused me to pursue a Master's degree at a Seminary, but I know I was excited that I did not need to take the GRE to get in. Denver Seminary was close to home and seemed to be a place that would "give me answers." I applied, got in, and then wondered what the heck I was doing...gosh, I of all people did not belong at a Seminary! That is where holy, righteous, upright, moral people go! But, I took a risk because I sensed a call from the Lord. I was in search for answers. I wanted to cultivate my mind and be filled with true knowledge. I wanted to get a grasp on what I truly believed and why I believed it. I wanted a better knowledge of who God is and what He has done. I wanted to learn about the most important things in life. I wanted to be challenged to think, to reason, to use my mind. I declared my major as Christian Studies mainly because I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. The first year I took some basic required classes and experimented with a Greek class and a leadership class. Neither of those struck my fancy. Then I took an apologetics class. The prof was terrible but the material grabbed my attention. I drank it up! I loved it-finally, evidence for what I believed. After that semester I changed my major to Philosophy of Religion. Once again, I wondered what the heck I was doing...philosophy involves a different way of thinking. You can't just be smart to do philosophy; you have to be intellectual and know how to think philosophically. I was not this person. But, I took a risk because I sensed a call from the Lord. Thank God I listened! The philosophy program challenged me in ways that I had never been challenged before. It was tough but by the grace of God I made it. And, by cultivating my mind, I grew closer to the Lord, closer than I have ever been before.

I leave Seminary with an MA in Philosophy, but that degree sounds ways too smart for me. I am not THAT smart! I'm just an average Christian girl who went to Seminary to get answers and grow closer to God. I leave satisfied. For the first time in my life, I close an academic chapter feeling satisfied and equipped to outthink the world. Although I leave not having a job lined up, I leave with a passion-a passion to educate. Before Seminary I was a member of the anti-intellectual culture of American Christians. I leave Seminary with a passion to go into the world, especially to teenagers, and change this stereotype. I want to teach people to think, to use their God-given minds!

The journey ends for me today. I am about to leave for campus for the last time. For the past 3.5 years, I have driven to Denver at least twice a week to learn. I can't believe I have made it! My academic goals and dreams fulfilled...finally! It's a great feeling! I could say so much more, but I will leave it at that!

To eharmonize or not???

I'm almost 26 and have no husband, no boyfriend, and no potentials (that I know of). Recently this had made me more desperate than normal. Thus, I have seriously been considering signing up for e-harmony. Problem is I only found 4 matches in Colorado. You see, eharmony lets you create a profile for free and it shows you your matches. I filled out the profile and, low and behold, four guys popped up. Problem is without paying I cannot see their pictures or communicate with them. Sad! Also, did I mention that eharmony is $65 a month? That seems a bit outrageous to me! Furthermore, I wonder if I am recently, more than before, doubting God's timing and provision? I mean I guess that God can use the WWW to hook people up, but I almost think that by signing up for eharmony, I am taking matters into my own hands and trying to speed up the process. Something just does not seem "right" about it. To eharmonize or not?

We used to be friends...

Oh man, this picture brought back memories....memories of what once was. I don't know why the loss of her friendship hurt me so much and continues to haunt me. I think it is because the way it ended...no closure. Or maybe it is because I have never in my life been treated so poorly by anyone and I never expected to be by someone I called one of my best friends. It still baffles me. What did I do wrong? Why did I do to deserve to be treated that way? To be rejected by people is an awful feeling but to be rejected and to never know why is devastating. I was rejected and I still have no idea why. I probably never will. It still hurts!


But, despite us not being friends (not even facebook friends...yes, I've been rejected), I kept the pictures.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Trauma does that.

The fear of man bringeth a snare. (Prov. 29:25)

...who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass, and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth. (Isaiah 51:12b-13)

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6)